We dropped my older sister off at her new apartment after dinner. I tried to imagine what she felt like but I couldn’t. She must feel so free and happy…but maybe a little sad as well. I tried to imagine buying furniture and being dropped off and closing the door as my parents walked away. I tried to imagine sitting by the window on the floor of my new apartment, overlooking the city lights, and dreaming about life and thinking about home. It must have felt beautiful.
I know she’s only just a bus ride away but it feels further. I think about all those Tuesday nights we watched Glee together – it makes me sad we won’t do that anymore. It makes me sad that there will be an empty seat across from me at the dinner table and it makes me sad to think that my big sister won’t be around the house anymore – she’s the only one I’ve got, you know.
It’s strange walking up the stairs only to find her bedroom inhibited by my other sister. It’s weird seeing the empty spot where her toothbrush should be. It’s odd just being the three of us.
I love my home more than anything…but at the same time, I want to know more than the four green walls of my room. I have a that yearning for freedom and independence. My youngest sister said she can’t imagine me living on my own – I hope I will one day prove her wrong.
June 11, 2015