The Unofficial Guide to Life
My word of the year is calm.
Calm like flowing streams and gentle skies. Calm like the field I saw from a bus window that one time in the English countryside. The one that stretched on and on with no end in sight. Even the horses were standing still.
Calm like a stretch of snow that hasn’t been stepped on yet. Like the sound of one of Mozart’s sonatas being played by unknown fingers, drifting from an open window at dusk.
Continue reading “Calm”
I’ve done a lot of things lately. I completed a 1000 piece puzzle all by myself for the first time in my life, and I don’t think many people can say that. I also watched all of Schitt’s Creek in way too short an amount of time, googled how to fry an egg, and finished reading two books. I read every morning while I drink coffee and eat breakfast. Sometimes I read during lunch too.
Continue reading “Ordinary Things”
I went for an hour long walk today, bundled up in my scarf and gloves. I made mental notes of the shops I’ll need to visit and then made my way to the Water of Leith Walkway where the air was fresh, the ground was muddy, and the wind blew my hair in every direction. I saw a grey squirrel, perfectly perched in a tree. I saw families, and couples, and friends, and people on bikes.
Continue reading “Other People”
I’ve been thinking a lot and I owe you an apology. When I think about how I made you feel, I shake my head in disbelief, feeling sick to my stomach that I treated you so poorly and with such a lack of respect and compassion.
I’m sorry that I made you question your worth and doubt that you were deserving of pleasure and joy, kindness and rest. I am sorry that I pushed you so hard and made you feel like you could enjoy yourself only when you reached the ridiculously high standards you set.
Continue reading “I’m sorry; You Didn’t Deserve That”
It’s a rather dismal Monday night in September (a strange month for me back in the day because I would be excited for school to start while simultaneously deeply wistful that summer should be coming to an end. I have since come to learn that we, as a society, are very prone to an “either-or” mentality when it’s perfectly acceptable to think “both-and”. IE: We are allowed to feel two conflicting things and that was very comforting for me to realize and greatly reduced a lot of my inner turmoil).
Continue reading “A Character in my Story”
Normal People by Sally Rooney is a book that came to me highly recommended from friends, the internet, and even President Obama.
A quote on the cover from The Washington Post says, “A novel that demands to be read compulsively, in one sitting.”
Continue reading “What I Thought of ‘Normal People’”
Morning. The coffee is brewing, and Hall & Oates are singing, and the door to the back porch is open, letting in that cool, almost-September breeze. I like these quiet mornings when I’m the only one home. It almost feels like playing house – the way I used to when I was little. Except now it’s real.
Continue reading “The Secret Lives in Kitchens”
There are a few remaining rays of August sunshine left and I’m sitting with my back to the window, letting myself soak it all in. I don’t do that enough. Soak things in, I mean. When I read books, I feel like I’m sometimes too motivated by needing to know what happens that I don’t savor every word, sentence, paragraph. And when I eat, I feel like I want to try everything, so I chew quickly, so that nothing runs out before I’ve had the chance. And when I walk, I stride with purpose, propelled forward by some invisible force.
Continue reading “More Than…”
I hear a plane flying above me, somewhere in the pure sky. There are birds chirping, somewhere in the trees. And in between all these things, somewhere in the deep folds of the universe, there’s me. I’m not doing anything spectacular – not jumping on overnight bus journeys and waking up in new cities, or trying new foods with names I can’t pronounce, or climbing volcanoes at sunrise – I’m just here, quietly existing in my own little way.
Continue reading “These Moments, Too”